Bob died on Monday.
Bob is/was my father-in-law.
Bob was a pedantic, obstinate, anal retentive, opinionated
SOB.
He had his own BOB way of doing things. Every tool had its place
and only its place on the shelf or rack, to the point that the outline of the
tool was drawn on the wall to help one find where it went. Every bottle of
liquor had its spot on the shelf. Every piece of meat was cooked to a certain temperature.
Every smoked salmon was done the same
way every time.
But it was good (no read excellent) smoked salmon.
All of that tended to piss the rest of us off sometimes.
He ripped into me one night at dinner because I teased my
wife in good fun though perhaps somewhat rigorously. I was told to “Be quiet!
That’s my daughter you’re speaking to!”
I wanted to reply “She’s my wife and I will speak to her as
I wish.”
But I did not, because he was being a protective father and
I was being trivial.
I wasn’t very nice to Bob the last time I saw him. He wanted
help in programming his new TV, DVD player, cable box, and sound bar all on one
remote. It was complicated and required three
or four steps done in the right order on the universal remote we bought to make
it all work. Bob had trouble getting it. I explained it several times and
walked him through the steps. A little while later he asked another question that
indicated he still didn’t get it. I got frustrated, and probably let that show in
my tone of voice and facial expression.
I regret that very much.
What do I know about cutting precise dovetail joints? Not
much. Bob did.
What do I know about raising a steer or training up a horse
to ride? Nothing. Bob did.
What do I know about plywood and all its various kinds and
types? Bob knew all of it and more. I
don’t think there is anything that Bob didn’t know about the wood industry and
its products.
So I know some stuff that Bob didn’t. Whoopee! What he knew
could probably make my brain explode if I had to learn it.
Everyone I know was frustrated by Bob. He had a way of
clinging to his opinions and making sure you knew that whatever your opinions were,
if they did not match his, they were wrong. He never said that out loud, mind
you. You just sort of knew it.
He could be plodding in his preparations, as if he was going
down a mental check list that extended to some 50 or 60 pages.
The closest Bob and I came to a serious disagreement was
when I argued that flag burners should be allowed to do that thing without
penalty. My thought was that the constitutional guarantee of free speech allowed
flag burners the right to express themselves in this way. In my defense, this
was a very libertarian view. I was not defending flag burners; I was defending
their right to free speech. Bob did not see it that way. To him it was unpatriotic.
It was criminal. If you burned the flag, you deserved to be tarred and
feathered at the least. I was told in no uncertain terms that I was not allowed
to discuss this topic with him again. I did not.
The bottom line is Bob was a man. He had his own views of
what the world should be and he stuck to them. Whether you agreed with him or
not was not important.
